Some Weeks Are Just Better Than Others

We started our back-to-school juggling act and balancing our family’s fall routine this past Monday morning. During my son's early morning dog walk before the school bus, he observed a person passed out on their front lawn. After we determinined they were not dead and merely just hung over from the previous night’s assumedly indulgent party, it was disturbing nonetheless.

My daughter called to tell me her car had been broken into. Only minor damage and nothing of value was taken. The important thing -- she was okay. Disturbing nonetheless.

Yesterday, I was rear-ended by a drunk driver on Wade Green Road while attempting to catch the toilet paper sale at Rite-Aid. He said he was in a hurry because he was on his way to his mother’s funeral. Putting him into the back seat of their squad car, I’m guessing the police didn’t buy his story. I’m not sure what gave it away, the fact that he was wearing his bedroom slippers or the pint of Wild Turkey sticking out of the pocket of his bathrobe. Disturbing nonetheless.

This week, I stepped in dog poop, which might not have been a big deal had I not just painted my toenails. After scrubbing my feet and my newly-manicured toes, I reached for the nail polish remover in the bathroom to start the task all over. It didn’t take long to realize one of my children, (hubby not excluded), had left the cap loosened on the bottle, presumably for some household project. The bottle, situated on the top shelf, slipped out of my hands while gurgling acetone and benzophenone onto everything in its wake. The semi-toxic solution ended up in a puddle on my bathroom floor, but not before splashing me in the eyes. Y’ouch! While blindly groping for a towel, I slipped on the fluid-soaked floor, hitting my mouth and cracking one of the veneers on my less-than-perfect teeth on the way down. I regained my sight and balance, but toothless and disturbing nonetheless.

Here’s another interesting observation I made this week. Did you know if you drop a gallon of milk onto the kitchen floor that it will more than likely burst? When it does, most of the contents will be directly proportioned underneath your refrigerator, oven and dishwasher. Any remaining liquid will be disbursed between the cracks of your cabinets and other kitchen appliances. Predictable and disturbing nonetheless.

Now maybe alcohol was just the theme of the week, between the drunk guy passed out on the lawn or the drunk driver stuck in my trunk, but I definitely did not mean to hit that giant display of wine bottles stacked in the aisle with my buggy at the grocery store. Sorry again Mr. Manager. Is there a reason the stack of bottles is positioned in such close proximity to the pharmacy window? Maybe somebody is trying to tell me something. Disturbing nonetheless.

Hey, here’s an interesting tidbit from my week that’s handy to remember. If one of your handles is loose on your large cooking pot, it will fall off while you are draining hot boiling water from your pasta noodles into your colander. At least the vegetable lasagna came out good and my right arm wasn’t scalded too badly after some minor first aid. Disturbing nonetheless.

I went to my son’s orchestra orientation this week. There was a giant rack of cellos and two of those big bass instruments standing on display racks near the door of the orchestra room. Knowing better than to go near them, I kept my distance. Instead, I gravitated toward the bowls of individually-wrapped chocolates the orchestra director had kindly left out for me. It was a tough decision between the Kit-Kat, Snickers and Milky Way Dark. I finally decided I deserved a sample of each one.

After examining my options, I carefully negotiated a perfect path between the hovering students towards my prey. I’m not sure if it was when I bent over to pounce on the candy or stood up that I heard the sound of the seam splitting in my pants. Either way, it reminded me why I didn’t need the chocolate in the first place. I escaped into the crowd and out of the school undetected, but disturbing nonetheless.

Life’s perils often offer glimpses of humor into our otherwise mundane lives and ordinary day-to-day routines. While the week has been somewhat painful, I am thankful that everything and everyone is okay, despite the challenges that were presented. I think I’ll go put my feet up with a good book. Oh, what is this unidentified gooey substance all over the book jacket? Not sure, but disturbing nonetheless.