It’s a fine summer day in Kennesaw. The hot Georgia sun is blistering the air, and I am safely tucked away in the comfort of my air-conditioned office. Why do I feel such anxiety and sadness?
I am sure the Eastern Bluebird perched right outside my window is singing just for me as I anxiously peck away at my keyboard, and yet somehow the bluebird of happiness escapes me. I am sad.
I’ve cleaned the house, washed and folded the laundry and completed all my chores. I am tired, but in a good way. My tasks are all accomplished, and yet somehow I have a feeling of being unsettled, anxious and sad.
Having been to the grocery store, the fridge and pantry are well-stocked, the carrots are peeled and the strawberries are perfectly sliced. There is a fresh loaf of bread on the shelf in the pantry. I don’t know hunger, and yet somehow I am still feeling sorry for myself.
This summer, like so many others, has been filled with busy days and summer catch-up chores, combined with leisurely activity. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing spectacular, just a fun Georgia summer spent in the safety and familiar surroundings of our own backyard. Nothing there to be sad about.
Our family did not venture out on a summer vacation this year. Instead, we saved the gas and applied the money toward household expenses. We created our own memories with some of the many exciting summer activities our area has to offer. No complaints there.
We were not bored with our staycation. I especially enjoyed not having to pack and unpack, load and unload, plan, execute and worry about whether the weather would disrupt our travel plans and routine. It was quite a refreshing change to our sometimes otherwise hectic summer regiment. Nothing sad about that. And yet, why do I feel this way?
The connection feels lost, and the needle is fluctuating on my sad-o-meter. I must examine the way I feel under a microscope and peel back the layers of the onion to expose my inner feelings. To do this will require shedding a few tears. Uh oh, here goes. Break out the box of Kleenex tissues (or closest generic substitute).
I will escape to the television for awhile. Perhaps my brain will go numb, and my heart will reveal the reason for this sadness I feel. Oh no, I’ve gotten sucked into a chick flick Lifetime Movie. Two hours and a box of tissue later…that was a tear-jerker. I should have changed the channel while I had the chance.
According to the 26 commercials I watched during the movie, I would be much happier if I established a routine of anti-depressant medication. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sad. I could, however, suffer the possible side effects of headaches, insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, nausea, vomiting, joint pain, increased salivation, nasal congestion, blurred vision, abdominal pain, dry mouth, weight gain, indigestion and dizziness.
Now I’m sad and confused. Is it physically possible to suffer both dry mouth and increased salivation? Or did the announcer say salvation? Perhaps I got my channels mixed up. The announcer spoke so quickly. Maybe I missed something? Either way, my strategy worked somewhat. Getting lost in a here come the tears movie took the edge off my sadness.
Back at my keyboard, a thought occurs to me. I am depending on something or someone to fill the anxious void I feel. No one can do that for me. It must come from within. For me, overcoming an overwhelming feeling of sadness takes action. This kind of action doesn’t come from a medication bottle, a cupboard stocked full of goodies or retail therapy (although I could try).
This kind of feeling is conquered by getting out and rubbing elbows with your neighbors for a backyard barbeque. This kind of sadness is overcome by watching your kids and their friends run through the sprinklers and seeing the expression on their faces when you hand them a frozen Bomb-Pop.
This kind of sadness comes on the heels of the end of another Georgia summer, right before the insanity of back-to-school sales and resetting the alarm clock for the bus. This too shall pass. Part of the sadness I feel of another Georgia summer coming to a close will be lessened by knowing August has arrived and the beautiful colors of another Georgia autumn are just around the corner.
Ahhhh, I am not so sad anymore.